wasted.

i reached my first goal weight at 145 lbs. i'm proud of me, and so is pat. i'm happy that i'm less, but miserable that i'm still so much. it's okay, though. i got my tongue pierced and it hurts to do so much as talk or swallow a pill. so eating really isn't an option for a while.

new goal: 130 lbs. by new years.

i love my family quite a bit. but lately they're been making a lot of jokes about anorexia and bulimia. scarf and barf. eat a sandwich. wipe the puke off your chin.

and i purged that night just because.

ha.

i don't know how i feel today. dirty, maybe. gross. longing, i guess, for lower numbers and something to cut with.

to S.E.- i love you. :D you mean more to me than most and without a best friend like you i'd be a goner. i wish you'd realize how great you are. i know you'll find answers to whatever questions you may have. you're lovely. stay strong. <3