shoot down the stars.

i'm going to start writing in this a little more consistently. because, hey, someone might be reading this, or will read it in the future, so.

so, updates.

since the last writing, i've gone vegan and have set some stricter rules for myself.

i think my system works for me, and i'd probably, honestly be upset if mine was compromised. as marya hornbacher writes in wasted, "We have systems of eating that develop almost unconsciously.... I would have a hard time putting into words the passion we have for our systems. They are as near and dear to us as any saving God. We know them better than we know the alphabet, we know them in the deepest part of the brain, the way the hand knows how to write, even in the dark. They are the only things that stand between us and total disintegration into chaotic, needy softness, the only things that keep the uncertainty of things at bay."

i know how bad purging is for me, but a while ago when i was purging every day for a week, i lost so much weight. i'll start planning out my days and then purging the biggest meal of the day. mondays, wednesdays, and fridays are water fasting days. i'll lose a lot of weight quickly, obvs. i can't stand being in this body any more, it's too girlish, too curvy, too heavy, entirely too much.