no, no. no. NO
i'm drunk right now.
i just purged for the first time in,what, two weeks? not just to get whatever food - can't even recall - out of me, but just to... regulate my feelings? does that make sense? i don't know. i want to throw up until there's nothing but bloodandbile. i WANT to be sick. i WANT to starve until i'm tired and cold. i WANT to puke and be scared to open the bathroom door. every single second and feature of my eating disorder was, is, comfort to me.
FUCK recovery. i'm not ready. i'm starving, and i'm loving it. go ahead and be disappointed. i don't care right now. i'm so pissed at myself for actually believing i could recover... ana, i'm back. i'm so sorry. i'll try harder this time, i swear.
posted by jeckSTAR! at
12:34 AM
2 Comments:
Please don't be disappointed in yourself.
Nobody else has the right to be, either.
You gave recovering a go, and that's amazing.
You can try again, but you need the self belief first.
I'm sorry you purged again.
I totally understand. Twisted as it is, it can be so comforting.
I hope things get better.
xxxx
Don't be mad at yourself! Please stay safe! <3
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