new blog.

this is old news, but i've had a new blog. 

it's king-nervosa.blogspot.com , if anyone's interested..

fuck purging.

really.

ever since it became an option, so did bingeing and purging right afterwards, and it's never helped me feel better or lose weight. i need to really work at just restricting and not puking. at all. today's gonna have to be better than the past few days were.

i know this isn't healthy of me, to restrict, but it's either starve or b/p right now.

exercise.

i just exercised for an hour. i haven't done a work out that long in a while. i'm glad i pushed myself into it. level 1 of the thirty day shred took up half an hour of that, and it really kicked my ass, but i feel great.

i'm on day two of the abc diet, also. good stuff. trying to eat clean.

now i just feel like having a nap.

intense.

I had a really intense day yesterday. Just bingeing and purging all day long and hating myself. Days, weeks, months of b/ping make me ridiculously uncomfortable. I much prefer restricting. Which I'm doing today, but... What do you know, I had 500 of my calories today all before noon. That also makes me ridiculously uncomfortable.

I'm trying to kick cutting, 'cause my boyfriend hates it and my mom will cry and everyone will be disappointed and I want to wear short sleeves again. But it's so tempting right now. Just a few little cuts? Can I have that, please?

productive.

i just had a very productive purging session. not proud of the binge, but i'm glad i got it all out of me. hrm. popped about seven laxatives so's i can weigh myself tomorrow.

fasting.

i feel flat.

not the american average.

fasting with a new friend. wish me luck.


i had a bit of a nasty binge today. three slices of pizza, ew. i know that's not a lot compared to some others, but it was enough to reduce me to tears.


i'm at my lowest weight, though. i cannot fuck this up. i cannot get back into the 130's.

low

The psychiatrist put me on two new medicines: Abilify, which I've been on before, and Lamictal, a mood stabilizer. They're sort of grounding me already. I don't feel as wild as I did about a week ago, which is good. They also make me a little nauseous, and my appetite is low. So I'm doing very well lately.

Still flat, emotionally. But I'm focused, driven. I fight off the binge monster pretty well, and I get around to exercising.

I haven't weighed in a few days, but I'm guessing I'm at 129 or lower, which will make me very happy.